Shootin' the Breeze

by "Bummer"

bummer @ abate

Join ABATE of Ohio,Inc.

2019 Columns

March/April 2019
May 2019
June 2019
July 2019
August 2019

2018 Columns
January 2018
February 2018
March 2018
April 2018
May 2018
June 2018
July 2018
August 2018
September/October 2018
November/December 2018

2017 Columns
January 2017
February 2017
March 2017
April 2017
May 2017
June 2017
July 2017
August 2017
September 2017
October 2017
November 2017
December 2017

2016 Columns
January 2016
February 2016
March 2016
April 2016
May 2016
June 2016
July 2016
August 2016
September 2016
October 2016
November 2016
December 2016

2015 Columns
January 2015
February 2015
March 2015
April 2015
May 2015
June 2015
July 2015
August 2015
September 2015
October 2015
November 2015
December 2015


September 2019

    September is my “Birth Month” everybody! So Happy Birthday to me!!

    And I deserve EVERYTHING I’m gonna be gifted too! LOL!!

    One of the few good things about being single is that nobody is charging a birthday, Christmas, or anniversary present for me that I end up having to pay for next month... and if I DO treat myself to something for my birthday or Christmas, it’s gonna be something I pick out my OWN self that I know I really want. The problem is, I can’t even think of anything I really want or need, so that takes care of that. I’ll just buy myself something small as a token of the admiration I feel for myself and say, “Thank me very much!”

    In my wild and partyin’ days, I used to have a hat that said, “It’s My Birthday” on the front of it and wear it often to bars sucking down free shots and stealing kisses. After all, depending on the frequency of how often you celebrate it, every DAY can literally be your birthday, right? In fact, back when times were all good and I hadn’t yet gotten to my selfish “mid-life crisis” stage and begun acting like the dog which I was destined to later become, my first wife and I celebrated our wedding anniversary every single weekend... and we both meant it too! Okay, enough of that personally depressing stuff and moving on...

    As I write this we’re going through a heat wave in my neck of the woods, and the outside temperature is absolutely intolerable for this Ohio born and bred fat boy. On days when it’s just too damned hot to ride I spend most of my time either driving in air-conditioning, lying or sitting down and watching TV in air-conditioning, working on my lap-top (as I am now) in air-conditioning, sleeping in air-conditioning, or thinking of things I can do in (what? That’s right...) AIR - CON – DI – TION - ING! In fact, I’d like to take this moment to personally thank Willis Carrier, the young Pittsburg man who invented the air-conditioner in 1902 at the ripe old age of twenty-five.

    Today about noon (as I was sitting around here being thoroughly air-conditioned), I made the mistake of thinking that I could go out onto my deck and just climb into my hot-tub for my usual muscle relaxing daily soak. I figured the outside temperature wouldn’t make any difference because I was nice and cool from being inside my house, and the hot tub by its very nature wouldn’t be anything different that it always is.

    OMG!!! After climbing in and sitting down I IMMEDIATELY jumped back out again, then looked at the thermostat! It told me it was up to 111 degrees in there! Like, OUCH! All year long I like to keep it at 104 (which is the highest it heats for safety reasons)... but, ONE HUNDRED AND ELEVEN DEGREES??!! It didn’t even occur to me that the heat of the water might be partially added to by the outside temperature LOL! Anyone who rides, swims, or even cooks, knows how much of a difference just a few degrees can make... but I was still freaked! Maybe I’ll check it out again tonight after midnight when the fires of hell have calmed down a bit.

    The weather HAS been weird lately and if it’s not too hot or too stormy, I’ll be riding to our regional ABATE meeting tomorrow. If it’s either one of the two (hot or stormy), I’ll be driving to it in my air-conditioning lol!

    I realize that some people might not use “air” because it messes with their sinuses. Thank God I don’t have that problem! I also regularly thank God that I’m not so poor that I have to rely on “cooling centers” like the homeless do, or that I (or any of my close friends and family) have never suffered ANY of the homeless folks’ other many problems. No matter what your politics or sentiments are, homelessness is often NOT due to drugs, alcohol, or laziness.

    It often amazes me that being a “child of the fifties” neither I nor any of my friends had air-conditioning in our homes and though it was often hot, it didn’t occur to us that it could be any other way for most people because back then even most stores didn’t have “air”, and only a few bars, restaurants, and movie theaters had it (and they made a big point of advertising that fact). In fact on REALLY hot days, my mom wouldn’t even chase me out of the house to play because she realized how hot it would be outside, and inside it was much cooler because we used fans in almost every room, screens in every window, and we kept the doors shut all day. But sooner or later I’d get bored and would go out... and when I did I’d eventually end up lying in the shade of a tree somewhere with my buds discussing important stuff like baseball, Superman, and other topics of our then current concerns.

    Speaking of sports: I’ve also often thought about the fact that down south where many kids are expected to participate in football, they apparently become immune to the heat and spend THEIR summers practicing in all that hot equipment! My sons Jason and Ben both live in Louisiana and N. Carolina respectively now, and Jason says that even the pools down there are totally useless for cooling off when the temps are above 90, or even 100 degrees! I doubt the pools would ever get up to 111... but even 90 is far from refreshing. Well, enough with talking about all this heat to you folks who are living in the future and are probably enjoying your cool September days and soft pre-autumn evenings...

    I cleaned out my garage a few days ago and found some things that I had entirely forgotten I even had! It’s a one-car garage, and usually there’s barely enough room to squeeze the bike into it. The result is that I’m donating a pop-up canopy to ABATE that I’ve been storing out there (which doesn’t really take up THAT much room, but I have no need for it these days), and I ended up tossing out a whole BUNCH of useless stuff. I also gave some metal shit to my housekeeper to add to her “scrapping” collection. The problem is I now have a workbench that is piled so high with odds and ends that I can’t even see the surface of it... but at least I CAN comfortably pull the bike in there without having to climb on and off very carefully. I just wish my garage door opener had an extended range so I can whip the scoot on in and properly jump off like Bat Man entering his “Bat Cave”! (I’d probably slide into the bench and crash! LOL!)

   Well, today is another one of those scorchers, so I think I’m just gonna tinker around here and spend the day “goofing off” until later this afternoon when I plan on climbing on the scoot and riding to a winery about ten miles away where a buddy and his band are playing. He asked me if I wanted to come throw some harp (harmonica) into the mix, and THAT’S always a fun way to spend an evening and a good way to stay outta trouble (unless I start sampling the wine).

    You folks stay safe, stay happy, stay between the ditches, and I’ll be talkin’ to ya next month... Bummer


Join ABATE of Ohio, Inc. today, and receive "Shootin the Breeze" in your OUTSPOKIN' magazine every month !!!