Shootin' the Breeze


by "Bummer"

 
 
bummer@abate.com

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November 2008

    In case you’ve been living alone in a cave for the past few months and weren’t aware of it, once again it’s time to elect a President. That means it’s time to take advantage of that right you have that is the cornerstone of our system of government. Contrary to what others might say, voting IS a right to citizens in good standing and not a privilege. Also note that this is not a “God-given” right because “God” didn’t give it to you. Nothing is mentioned in the Bible about voting. Our forefathers gave it to you. Throughout the history of this country countless men and women have actually had to fight, and sometimes to die, in order to allow you to have this freedom. And whenever terrorists, or whoever, attack this country with the purpose of taking this right away, our military and our police, firemen and emergency personnel have to put THEIR lives on the line allow you to keep it.

    Due to the deadline I try to keep, as I write this it’s the morning of Sept. 12th. Last night a documentary, a collection of videos from amateurs and professionals, was edited and broadcast on TV on the anniversary of the Sept. 11th Trade Center attack seven years ago. I wish they’d broadcast this program regularly to remind us just how horrible that day was and how vulnerable we are. The sight of firemen and police running INTO those buildings to attempt to save the thousands trapped inside, as people leaped from the windows high above to escape the flames, sickens me to this day. And, it reinforces my belief that my right to vote is something to be held sacred and a waste of many sacrifices if I don’t use it. The people who directed those jets into those buildings have no wish to see their OWN people vote, let alone ours. The concept of voting is contrary to everything they stand for.

    I understand that as citizens we all sometimes feel out of control, as if we have no say in the way things are going. By voting at least we can indicate to what direction we want to head. And, if yer thinking to yourself ‘Why even vote? THEY {whoever THEY are} will just go ahead and do whatever THEY want anyway’, just remember that there will always be others who WILL vote and you can bet a lot of them won’t necessarily have your best interests at heart. By not voting you’re just letting them have their way with the government, with your liberties and with you.

    “Now, which one should I vote for?” you might ask. “This guy SAYS this, and that guy SAYS that. I read all kinds of things about THIS guy that people sent me on the internet and it’s all horrible stuff! THAT guy doesn’t look like somebody I’d like to drink a beer with, but the people I usually drink with probably wouldn’t make good Presidents anyway! What to do, what to do?”

    A lot of people often think that all presidential candidates are the same. And some elections ARE like that. But ya gotta admit that THIS time, the candidates are just about the exact opposites of each other on so many different levels. The pre-election campaigning, the TV commercials and the promises are just so much hyperbole {spelled bull sh%t}, and the rumors are even worse, with everybody seeming to know outrageous details about each one that never seem to get into the established news sources. That right there should tell you something.

    You wouldn’t buy a bike sight unseen just because so-and-so told ya about it! You’d check it out yourself, wouldn’t ya? So please, spend a few minutes and do some actual, real research for yourself before you make your decisions. Whatever ya do, don’t depend on that shared internet crap where somebody passes on unfounded and/or distorted rumors! At least go to Snopes.com and see if any of these rumors have any basis in reality by clicking on the “Politics” section. This is a VERY dependable, un-biased sight that researches and tells the actual truth about rumors.

    And nothing freaks me out more than some lazy idiot who sits in a bar or at a work lunch table and runs their mouths about politicians and/or national policy, when he or she didn’t even vote. I mean, if you’re too damned lazy, too damned busy or too damned self-absorbed to take the time to go vote, how can you justify complaining? So, earn your privilege to bitch and get out there and just do it!

    Well, now that I got THAT off my chest, let’s talk a little bit about zucchini.

    I’ve never been one who’d claim to know anything about gardening. The only thing I know how to grow isn’t legal and I haven’t done THAT for decades! But, Julie seems to know all about that kinda stuff and decided to put a garden in this year, asking me what I’d want in it. I told her that my favorite vegetables are tomatoes and corn, only to be told rather smugly that neither one are vegetables! A tomato is a fruit and corn is a grain. I asked her if green peppers were vegetables and she told me they were, so I decided on some tomato fruits, some corn grain plants and pepper vegetables to be my requests {can ya tell I’m really learning to know what I’m talkin’ about?}. She added cucumbers {which are melons} and some herbs and our garden agenda was complete.

    Well, I had been seeing a TV commercial for these tomato tree thingies that yield abundant fruit and sent away for a batch of ‘em as a surprise for her and to show her that I was taking an active interest in her gardening endeavors. They took forever to come and when they did they were just seeds, which took another forever to sprout and ended up dying anyway. In other words I wasted about $35 just to finally learn my lesson about buying stuff off the tube {I never did get that Girls Gone Wild DVD I sent for!}. We ended up buying some plants from a department store at the last minute and thus managed to harvest a few tomatoes.

    Julie’s dad, Bill, always has a HUGE garden, so when he offered to give us some pepper and cucumber plants we jumped at it. He even agreed to bring his tiller over and do all the prep work, so with Bill preparing the garden plot and Julie stuffing the plants in the ground, I figured my only part in it all was kicking back and eating the results when harvest time came. One day as I lazed on the rear deck I heard Julie exclaim something like,
        “Well I’ll be! This doesn’t look like a cucumber!” from the garden.
    I stood and ambled over near her and asked what she was talking about.
        “These cuke plants! I think dad screwed up and gave us zucchinis instead. The plants DO look like cucumber, but the results sure look like zucchini {which are squash}!”

    Now, it’s always been my firm belief that the only reason people plant zucchinis is to give them to other people. Like, “Hey how ya doin’? Would ya like some zucchini? I got WAY too much and don’t know what to do with it all.”

    Therein lies the problem: What does ANYONE really do with zucchini?

    I mean, sure everyone knows you can fry it and you can bake it in a cake and make bread from it, but what do ya do with the REST of it? I keep hearing they’re as versatile as peanuts {which are NOT nuts, but legumes, like beans}. We [as I write this] have not one, but TWO zucchini cakes ready to eat, a bunch of cut up and breaded zucchini ready to be fried, a few quarts of pureed zucchini in jars and at least 20 other whole zucchinis on my desk, on the kitchen table, on the deck and in the garage! We’ve been giving them away for the past two weeks! And these ain’t just regular zucchinis either. These suckers are big enough for aliens to be living within them! I mean they’re HUGE!! I swear they grow while we sleep even AFTER they’ve been picked! Soon there won’t be enough room in the house for us to live. At least for us HUMANS to live in anyway! The alien zucchini pod people will take over the house, the yard and Newton Falls, Ohio unless we figure out something to do with ‘em!! HELP!!!

    I’m starting to think the best way to get my vegetables are chips and french fries. Potatoes = one of the few true vegetables!     OOPS!     Julie just told me that a potato is the root of the potato PLANT, which is NOT a vegetable! Sheesh!! What the Hell DO vegetarians actually eat?

    Now, meat is so simple. Think I’ll go to the butcher, ask ‘em to grind up a big old hunk of soy roast and have me a soy burger. At least that’s real meat isn’t it?

              Bummer

Webmasters Note: Bummer resolved his “Zucchini Problem” by allowing it all to be shipped to Canada where THEIR zucchini growing season is limited, thus helping to further cement the bond between our two countries. We expect whichever man is elected President to award him and his wife Julie with the Medal of Freedom for their efforts.

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