Well, it’s happened. I’ve finally found someone crazy enough to agree to marry me. And since I’m such a cheap bastard, and because [like most of us] I consider the members of ABATE of Ohio my extended family, we [Man, saying ‘we’ instead of ‘I’ is gonna be hard to get used to!] decided to invite y’all by writing a column about it. Ya see, this way I [I mean ‘we’] won’t have to spend big bucks to send out invitations. Besides, WE [There, I think I’m getting’ it down] would really love to see the whole state of Ohio’s ABATE members come to the wedding.
It’s gonna be held at Buffalo Hollow on July 21st.in Petersburg, Ohio almost on the Pennsylvania state line, Southeast of Youngstown, Ohio. It would really be cool if guests can Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org just to give us an idea how many’s gonna come. We’ll have a few kegs and make up some “Buffalo Punch” for refreshments and we’ll have food of course [a pig or some kind of critter], but please bring what ya can for yourselves in case we run out, or if yer spending the night.
I was talking to my buddy Pappy yesterday and when I told him about it he almost freaked!
“But Bummer! What if a whole bunch of people come and it’s really crowded? I mean, yer offering ‘em free beer, free food, a free band for a free weekend long party!! Ya don’t know WHAT kind of people might come!”
“Weddings are SUPPOSED to be crowded Pappy. And we know what kind of people will come.”
“What if ya run out of food and drink?”
“They’re bikers Pappy. They’ll improvise. Besides, we’ll have someone drive ‘em to town to fetch stuff if necessary.”
“What if they do something embarrassing and your ‘normal’ friends freak out?”
“What ‘normal’ friends? I haven’t had a ‘normal’ friend since I was in elementary school.”
“Is this Buffalo Hollow place big enough?”
“You betcha. It can handle thousands of people.”
“Is yer old lady Julie cool with all this?”
“She’s the one who wanted a ‘Real Wedding’. Well, this is a real ‘Biker Wedding’. Of course she is.”
“Who’s gonna take care of the ceremony?”
“Rev. Ken Burt from E. Liverpool. He’s a biker and an ABATE member too. Looks like this is gonna be an all out ABATE wedding!”
“Did ya make up a newspaper announcement? I can write one up for ya if ya like.”
Note:This is Pappy’s announcement:
GETTIN' HITCHED AT THE "HOLLOW"
The former Julie Hutchison and Robert "Bummer" Baldwin will be wed Saturday July 21, 2007 at Buffalo Hollow in Petersburg, Ohio which is located just North of East Palestine, Ohio. The facilities are on Dickson Road just off Rt. 170. Go to Buffalo Hollow.com for more info.
Julie has a Master’s degree in biology from the University of Akron and currently resides in Rootstown, Ohio. Her grown children include daughter Alia and son Jamie. Bummer, a college dropout, is a columnist for the motorcyclists rights publication "Outspokin'", is retired from General Motors Lordstown and resides in Newton Falls, Ohio. Bummer's grown children include sons Jason and Ben who both serve as Sergeants in the Air Force. The couple plan on residing in Newton Falls. The Rev. Ken Burt will be officiating.
Nuptial festivities include a brief ceremony at the Hollow followed by a motorcycle procession returning to Buffalo Hollow to a wedding feast and informal reception with music provided by the band TBS. Guests who wish to camp overnight on the Hollow grounds are encouraged to do so. Hot showers are provided. Call Buffalo Hollow for electricity [mobile campers] and firewood information.
”Jeez Pappy! Did ya have to put in there I was a ‘dropout’?”
“I believe in total honesty in journalism.” Pappy replied smugly. Then he asked if we were going on a ‘Honeymoon’.
“Maybe someday, but we’re just gonna spend the wedding night at the Hollow. They’re fixin’ us up a Bridal Suite in the building behind the stage. The next morning we wanna come out onto the balcony of it and look out at our friends passed out around campfires.”
“This might be HUGE!”
“We hope so.” I went on to tell him to make sure he was coming to the wedding, but he told me he might be outta the country then. He’s sure been getting around a lot since I met him lying in the bed of a nursing home a few years ago. I swear the old fart really does seem to get younger every day.
Well, obviously I got a lot of stuff on my plate and I’d better get to it, so this month’s column looks like it will be a shorty. We’re workin’ on the vows now. I told Julie we’ll have her vows say, “Love honor and obey” and leave out the “obey” for mine. She didn’t see the humor in it.
If ya can make it, y’all try to come to the hitchin’ ceremony. We really would love to have ya, and all we want from ya is yer company. It’ll probably start about noon on Saturday, July 21st and don’t forget to make plans to stay the night if ya can.