Shootin' the Breeze

by "Bummer"

bummer @ abate

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March 2013

        Glorious Spring is a-comin!

    When was the last time someone told you to “Go fly a kite”? Well, I’m tellin’ ya to do that right now. And March is the perfect time to do it! Build it tuff enough, and ya might even be able to trail it way up in the sky behind the bike...if ya go real slow, and have someone riding on the back to handle it. Just don’t get yourself in trouble with the po-lice! And watch out for those damned phone and power lines LOL! (Note: DO NOT ATTEMPT! ABATE does NOT approve of, nor condone actions like this! Only a complete idiot would even suggest it.)

    My Uncle Marshall used to be an avionics engineer at Wright/Patterson AFB in Dayton. And his hobby was designing and building scale model, gas-powered flying replicas of old vintage airplanes. He belonged to a club of like-minded adults (which just fascinated the hell outta me, a little kid, discovering that adults could still keep their kid-like coolness). And they really got into it.

    A few of his club members also built kites of various sizes and shapes. My father (his brother) would take our family to Dayton to visit, and Marshall would sometimes take us all with him to the club’s exhibitions. I remember the colorful blimps, balloons, airplanes, and kites the members would design, build, and fly...some of them up to ten feet long! A few of the members even got into rockets, and they were literally a blast! This was in the 1950’s, and back then even remote controlled airplanes were unheard of to most people.

   Now, entirely changing course: For this month, I decided to share something sorta strange with you (as if I’ve never done that before LOL)

   For some time now (remember I’ve been doing this each month for about 20 years), I’ve kept a file on my computer of abstract and odd bits and pieces of information that I might someday possibly use for this column, or another book, in various contexts. This file is titled, “Partial Thoughts”, and are unrelated memories, quotes, some of my original stuff (I do have a few), and snippets of information that may or may not come in handy to base a column on, or to use in some way when the old head-bone is completely void of anything to write about.

    Of course I’m not gonna share the whole file with you because I might end up using some of them in the future. But here are a few that I probably won’t use (though actually I guess I am using them right now). The ones that aren’t attributed to anybody else are probably my OWN thoughts. I say probably because often we never really know what we might have heard and processed without even realizing that it came from somewhere else. ( Hell, I thought I wrote “Turn the Page” and “Stairway to Heaven”, but I was partyin’ pretty heartily back then).

    So, welcome to MY world. And be afraid. Be VERY afraid LOL! Please read, and think, of each one of these separately as an individual thought. Here we go.......

  • Alexander Pope: “A little learning is a dangerous thing.”
  • “Thanks. Usually I have to pay people to talk to me like that. But you should at least be wearin’ very high heeled shoes and totin’ a big whip!”
  • “When in doubt, tell the truth.”
  • “We’re ALL on a pilgrimage.”
  • “It’s sorta like talking to a group of people, thinking that you’re saying something really cool, and then one of ‘em points out that ya got something hanging outta yer nose.”
  • “In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is King.” (English proverb)
  • “Guilt? People tend to get used to it. Then eventually, it disappears entirely.”
  • “If I saw a competitor drowning, I’d run to get a hose to help him.” (Ray Croc, founder of McDonald’s)
  • “That’s not a crime. It’s just illegal!”
  • “Different Songs Sung At The Same Time In Various Keys.” (Don’t know WHAT the hell I was thinkin’ about for this one.)
  • “Ride ‘Er Easy” Quality porn starring: Fonda Peter, Hop ‘Er Dennis, and Nicole’s son, Jack. (Let’s make a movie!)
  • Winston Churchill once said, “A dog looks up at you, a cat looks down on you, and a pig looks at you as an equal.”
  • “Soothing to your warm, buttered, mashed potatoes.”
  • “Riding, like swimming, is always safest when ya do it with a buddy.”
  • “Nobody can hurt you like your friends can.”
  • The time my little granddaughter asked me, “Wanna hear me make my butt quack like a duck?”
  • “They should burn your house down when you’re dead. Then they should salt the ground where it stood so nothing will ever grow there.” (Quite a nasty thought. I think I got part of it from a movie: The original 1963 version of ”The Haunting”).
  • “These people speak a language I just don’t understand.”
  • “This is probably the reason birds inexplicably die and fall to the ground.” (?)
  • Do I like “Modern” art? Sure I do! But then again to me....the best modern artists would be Norman Rockwell, Dave Mann, and that guy that used to paint all the “Happy little trees” on PBS.
  • I wouldn’t trade one stupid decision for another five years of life...from the song, “All My Friends” by LCD Soundsystem. (Not sure that I agree, but it sounds cool. Sorta.)
  • When someone says to me in agreement, “Great minds think alike”, I just look at them and think, ‘You perverted bastard!’
  • Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn't mean politics won't take an interest in you! (Pericles 430 B.C.)
  • “All drummers are insane.”
  • “I’ve caught love before. Not like you catch a baseball....or a fish. But like ya catch a virus. And like a virus, if you don’t get over it, sooner or later it’ll really mess ya up. And then there you are: All alone with a runny nose, slobbering like an idiot with all kinds of useless, funky, garbage coming out of your mouth.”
  • “A bike is like a woman....If ya don’t go out of your way to give her the proper care, respect, and attention....she’ll make your life miserable.”
  • A “jiffy” is an actual scientific term for 1/100th of a second.
  • “Many people shouldn’t even be allowed to have pets, let alone children.”
  • “Only 4% of the world’s population is left-handed. And I was married to two of them. What’s up with that?”
  • I just turned to the young punk and said, “Maybe it’s the music you’ve been listening to.”
  • “Life is just another damned poker run.”
  • “From the mountains of Florida, to the Utah coast.....”
  • “Mother herb” and “Roast Beaver” (thought these just roll off the tongue. Of course, we Americans don’t pronounce the “H” in “herb”.)

        Okay, that’s enough for now I guess. Our wonderful editor Diane is probably calling me all kinds of names right about now ‘cause she often has to re-format this stuff each month. But I still have lots and lots of other disjointed ramblings stashed away in that file. Since I never know when I’m gonna be slamming my forehead on the keyboard trying to think of something to write about, I’ll just keep them to myself for the time being.

                                            See ya next month.

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