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Bummer's Monthly Musings

Bummer, who's an ABATE institution, writes one of the most widely read articles in the Outspokin' each month. Now he's also right here on the web! Welcome to the Computer Age, Bummer! ~ Enjoy!

 

 

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Shootin’ the Breeze 

by Bummer

Email: bummer@abate.com

Ahhhh....the sweet smell of suntan lotion....Midnight rides in a T shirt...The crunchy, salty taste of ripe June bugs! Summer’s here and the time is right for dancin’ in the streets!

I was cleanin’ up the Shovelhead this afternoon and my mind drifted [as it often does] and I got ta thinkin’ ‘bout all the roads me and the old girl’s been down. All the things that seemed to happen just ‘cause somebody or something seemed to have it in the Master Plan.

Ever really think about fate? I used to believe that we create our own fate... that what we do determines what happens to us. But the truth is things can slip up on ya from out of the blue. Something happened to a buddy a while back that illustrates how life can surprise ya....

His name is Jim and he was in his car driving though Youngstown, a relatively large city, when he happened to be behind a red Ford Mustang convertible as he passed through a bad section of downtown. At the time he worked for the railroad and was just comin’ home from work.

Suddenly the Mustang stops in the middle of a block, the driver gets out and runs across the street where an old couple are walkin’ down the sidewalk. The dude tries to grab the old lady’s purse, struggles with her, pushes her down then gives up and yanks the old man’s wallet out of his pocket before he runs BACK across to his car and drives away!

Now, get this!...The OLD LADY gets up, crosses the road, reaches in her purse, pulls out a gun, leans on JIM’S front fender and fires five times at the fleeing Mustang! Then she glances at Jim [as he sat with his eyebrows raised and his chin hangin’ to his chest], slips the gun back into her purse and hurries across to the old man, helps him up and they take off down the sidewalk to a door, enter and disappear!

Now remember this all happened in the time it took ya to read about it!

There wasn’t a damned thing he could do! In fact I can’t think of anything he should have done under the circumstances. I’d say the old woman had a grip on the situation [and her purse].

My point here is just that being in the wrong place at the wrong time can really screw up yer chances for a long and happy life.

I was talkin’ to a friend named Pappy about this at the nursing home he’s doin’ time in.

“Bummer, ya just never know....one minute yer cruisin’ along thru life thinkin’ everything is cool, then next thing ya know reality just goes out the window and yer blindsided by them old sisters called the Fates.

 

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Bummer's Shootin' the Breeze Page!  

 

“And I suppose yer the reason she had all those kids too!”

“Quit bein’ a smartass! Oh, and by the way, checkmate.”

“Damn!”

After I left Pappy I got ta thinkin’ about all the times I did or did not do something that affected the future. I thought of the time the owner of my favorite tavern tried to talk me into pushing the bike into the bar for the night instead of ridin’ it home. That decision caused me all kinds of grief!

Sometimes even the things ya say twist yer world. A few of the really, REALLY dumb things I’ve said are, “I do” and, “Guilty” and “Go ahead and shoot if ya think yer man enough”. All of those caused me YEARS of pain.

Then I began to think about all the times I made a good decision, or a good thing drifted into my lap just ‘cause I happened to be in the right place at the right time: Putin’ a brass pole in my bar was a GREAT idea!...Some of the best rides I’ve been on were the result of bein’ abso%$#@inglutely lost [a few times I didn’t even know what state I was in!].... The time that dancin’ girl in Sandusky ran me off the road [she felt terrible about it]....now THAT was a really cool twist of fate!!

Every friendship we’ve ever had started out with a “Hello” or a “Hi, glad to meet ya!” that left unsaid might have altered our lives.

Trying to second guess every thing ya do can drive ya nuts [I know, I’m a libra]. And if ya hesitate too long on most things, you’ll find yerself standin’ on the side of the road watchin’ the parade pass ya by, but here’s a few suggestions when faced with some of the things ya miight encounter: Go to the June Jam. Act cool with the police {they all have guns}. Don’t put off changin’yer rubber if it looks worn out {talkin’ bout tires here folks}. Go to the June Jam. If lightning is in the sky, head for an underpass. Don’t drink and ride unless yer on the back, then drink all ya like [just kiddin’, politically correct America...God, I hate this kinda crap!]. Go to an ABATE meeting and get involved. And last but not least, go to the June Jam.

Oh, and one more thing. Did I mention to go to the June Jam? Don’t even think about it, just start packin’. This event is our primary fund raiser for the state and we gotta make sure it gets bigger and better every year. We were gonna book Led Zepplin for this year, then someone mentioned they weren’t available anymore.

Well, that’s fate for ya,

That's me, dammit!~Watch here for next month's installment!

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“I remember back in the early fifties me and a buddy named Big Mike were riding down the road on our bikes. It was one of them golden days us old men like to remember. The sky just don’t seem as blue nowadays! Mebbe polution’s got something to do with it.

“Anyways, we were out in the country goin’ to the dirt drags they used to have in a town near us. Ya know how when yer ridin’ with a buddy and yer scoots start sounding like they’re one engine? That long, low, relaxed rumble? I remember lookin’ over to him and smilin’, and him smilin’ back. When my eyes returned to the road ahead, there in the center of our lane stood a little girl! She musta been about 3 or 4 years old I guess. I was ridin’ center and veered to the left into the oncoming lane as Mike went to the right, hit the gravel on the shoulder, lost control, flew off the bike and landed smack dab in the middle of somebody’s vegetable garden as the bike got trashed in the ditch.

“By the time I got turned around and came back to him a young woman had run to the little girl, scooped her up and started yellin’ to the Lord as she ran to Mike. I jumped off my bike and ran to where he lay......what a mess! The woman started crying uncontrolably as I knelt to my friend. I just knew he was dead. He was covered in blood and gore! The woman knelt too, and as she leaned over him he reached up around her and gave her a big old kiss!! She about fainted! It wasn’t blood! It was tomatoes!! Here, the dirt was soft and when he hit he didn’t even break a damned bone! He ended up with a few bruises and a stiff leg for a few days, but he also ended up with something else.....

“The sweet thing was baby sitting her little sister and the kid got away from her onto the road. After Mike picked himself up he asked her out and she felt so bad about the whole thing she agreed. I mean, how could she refuse after almost causing his death and his bike to be totally scrambled?

“Two years later they married. They come and visit me every now and then. They still hold hands when they walk together. Been married about 50 years now. They had a bunch of kids and one of ‘em became a doctor who developed a new surgury technique that’s saved at least a hundred lives so far. Each of those lives are gonna contribute something to the general population and they’ll probably have hundreds of kids who in turn will affect the future.

“Now, obviously what I’m gettin’ at is this was all directly caused by me.”

“You??”

“Yup. I decided to go to the dirt drags that day. What if I just let Mike sleep all day nursing a hangover instead of draggin’ his ass outta bed and insisting we go to the drags together?”

 

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