Well, we survived another year huh? Put another notch on our guns. In a few more months we’ll be gettin’ ready for the ridin’ season. Makin’ plans and workin’ out our calendars.

I used to make New Years resolutions but they always depressed me when I just got older and fatter. Can’t help one and don’t wanna help the other I guess. This year I am gonna do things different tho. Gonna do like that crazy little thing called Michael Jackson says and talk to the man in the mirror.

Gonna tell him, “Bummer...Ya don’t need to be foolin’ with women to be happy. Ya shouldn’t eat fatty foods! Ya don’t need to be smokin’ them cigarettes! You should drink less and start workin’ out! You oughta start........” Wait just a damned minute! I’m startin’ to sound like my ex wife! Yadda yadda yadda. Only person I ever knew who could be pissed off even when she was havin’ a good time! Well, enough of that! Paid too much money gettin’ rid of her to be thinkin’ about this kind of crap. Besides, if Michael Jackson had his act together he wouldn’t be, uh well, Michael Jackson.

Now, on a completely unrelated note:.....Have ya ever wondered what happens to old motorcycles? I mean sure, there’s a few hangin’ around in garages. Quite a few end up in museums I suppose. Many get bought and are still on the road. But what about the hundreds of thousands that just plain disappear? Ya just don’t see that many of the older ones on the road. Ya don’t hear about too many motorcycle junk yards. Maybe they’ve gone “somewhere else”.

Me and a buddy named Frosty were talkin’ ‘bout this in my bar earlier tonight.

“I’m tellin’ ya Bum, ‘they’ got ‘em.”

“That’s what ya thought you seen, but ‘they’ hit it with a ray from one of their ships and shot it off.”

“Far out man.”

“And that ain’t all. They’re startin’ to combine their technology with ours.....the VRod.”

“What??”

“Dontcha think it’s kinda strange all of a sudden Harley wants to make a bike that looks like that? I mean for years everybody is copyin’ the way a Harley looks and then the Motor Company and somebody else combine forces and start makin’ Buells..A bike that just about flies! Now they make one that looks like something the Terminator would ride. And it’s got a RADIATOR! Dontcha find that kinda suspicious?”

He had a point. My whole concept of reality suddenly began to run amok. Harleys that don’t look like Harleys.....Hundreds of thousands of missing bikes {Especially bikes manufactured in the 40’s, 50’s and 60’s when this whole UFO thing began}....People just up and disappearing! Hell, I’ve come home missing parts before. My head began to spin.

“Here, this is just about done.”

I figured that maybe Frosty knew something that should be told to the people...So I”m tellin’ y’all. Look to the skies my brothers and sisters! Watch out for ‘them’! Don’t let the alien invaders take our bikes and make sure ya keep yer nuts tight!

BUMMER

PS...I sobered up this morning but I got a deadline and it’s too late to change anything...sorry

“Aliens. On nights when the skies are clear and the stars are out you can see their ships passing in the heavens. In fact they took my uncle.”

“Yer uncle got drunk, fell in a dumpster, landed on his head and died.”

“That’s just what ‘they’ wanted us to think. They left him there when they were through with him.”

“So, why did ‘they’ abduct yer uncle?”

“To learn about motorcycles. Ya see, their planet outlawed cars ‘cause they pollute too much and take up to much space. All they use is motorcycles. Here, have another hit....”

“Wow.”

“I found him layin’ there and he told me about it before he, well you know.”

“Wow.”

“They come here and steal our bikes and take ‘em back to their home world ‘cause they haven’t reached our level of motorcycle manufacturing technology. Here take this before I burn my fingers...”

“Wow.”

“So, anyway... when they steal our bikes and take ‘em back, they don’t know how to wrench on ‘em so they abduct bikers to show ‘em how. Remember Mad Mike?”

“He moved to Chicago, right?”

“No....’they’ took him...... Ya know why ya gotta keep an eye on yer nuts and keep ‘em tight?”

“I’m not answerin’ that.”

“They steal parts off our bikes. They tried to get my tail light just last summer.”

“It fell off! I seen it happen. I was behind ya! The sucker smacked me in the head!”