Shootin' the Breeze

by "Bummer"

 
 
bummer @ abate

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August 2014

    Isn’t summer GREAT?!

    There’s just so much to DO during the summer months!

    We can go to local fairs and amusement parks to ride the machinery and eat the eatery. I’m talkin’ ROLLER COASTERS here! And there are CORN DOGS to be had! Elephant Ears, Snow Cones, Cotton Candy, Gyros, and all kinds of stuff you’d probably not have access to any other time are available to us for the first time since last summer. You MIGHT be able to find this stuff someplace else or even be able to make it yourself at home, but it just doesn’t taste the same as at a fair or a park.

    We can go swimming. We can go boating if we’ve a mind to. We can go to outdoor concerts, to zoos, to public parks, to an outdoor swap-meet.

    Speaking of outdoor swaps: These days I prefer to at least have an air mattress, but there have been a few nights in the past that I’ve spent the night cozily sleeping (or perhaps passed-out) on the ground at a weekend-long swap-meet in August without even a blanket or a sleeping bag, AND without catching a cold or getting otherwise sick, probably due to “Yukon Jack Anti-freeze – The pick-me-up that’ll put-ya-down!” Waking up at eye-level to a smoldering campfire is truly an experience to remember. So is jumping up and dancing around with your beard on fire due to an ember that popped out of the fire! LOL.

    In my area, we still have a few Drive-In theaters that are open only in summer, but at least we still have a few. And one of them even allows bikes! Above all else, summer means we can ride far into the night. In fact most newbies and non-riders don’t realize this, but there are actually only very few nights when you can ride comfortably all night in a T-shirt. And August is usually the only month you can do that. You can even ride nekkid late at night when the roads are empty (been there, done that, and paid the fine).

    Summer also means you can get stuff done around the homestead and actually enjoy doing it. If you garden, you can do that. You can build stuff and not care about getting sawdust all over the place. You can wrench in the garage without a heater....in short there are no restrictions due to weather. Hell even if ya ski, you can do that too, just on the water (I imagine it’s all sorta the same ‘cause I have never been on skis of any type). You youngsters out there can go jogging, play tennis, football, baseball, basketball and all that other healthy shit....while us oldsters can play golf, horseshoes, bocce, shuffleboard, and all the other more dignified sports befitting our maturity. But the main advantage to summer is we can all go forth and do ANYTHING we like without having to bundle up against the cold. And we don’t have to worry about freezing our butts off because we’re not dressed properly.

    As I write this, I’m comfortably sitting at my desk without a shirt on. Later, I’ll walk out to my mailbox and I might decide to do that without a shirt on too! If a cop drives by as I do, he might nod at me in greeting as he passes, but he’d never even consider that my bare (but hairy) chest might be a problem.

    Later today I might mow the lawn with my shirt off. I could even ride around town on the scoot bare-chested. The only reason I couldn’t go to the mall and parade around the concourse in my semi-nudity is that (for some reason) local zoning and health laws forbid entering shopping establishments that way (no shirt, no shoes, no enter).

    All this is because I’m a MAN! And that’s spelled M-A-N!!

    We men have lost many innate gender-specific privileges over the years.....privileges that we (as men) were literally born to hold. But at least one privilege we’ve retained is that of dressing (or undressing) comfortably.

    Throughout history women have been coerced into wearing rib-crushing and organ-choking whale-boned girdles and corsets to appear slimmer, they wore miserably warm and constricting brassieres to enhance their, uh, torsos. And at the turn of the last century (the beginning of the 1900’s) for some reason the fashion industry, controlled by men possessive of their women, even persuaded females to keep their luxuriously sensual long hair neatly braided and piled up on top of their heads, and their tight long-sleeved blouses modestly buttoned up to their chins (even in blistering summer’s heat). But on the other hand, at that same time, those same men also urged women to wear a bulky device called a “bustle” to make it publically appear that they had an invitingly large behind. Go figure! It seems that trying to keep up with what pleases men probably makes most women UNcomfortably numb! (to paraphrase Floyd)

    In ancient China baby girls’ feet were even tightly bound so that they would stay small and “dainty”, crippling most to the point they couldn’t even walk without assistance. On that note in later years, European men might have allowed women to walk freely, but they coaxed their women into wearing uncomfortably high heeled shoes to improve the appearance of the shape of their legs, and to keep them from running away (both reasons I for one appreciate).

    Men have always been the dominant gender, ruling OUR women (privately and publically) to the point that the “Declaration of Independence” proclaimed that only all MEN are created equal. It wasn’t until 144 years after that declaration that we even allowed females to vote in these liberty-loving United States of America when we permitted the 19th Amendment to the Constitution to be ratified in 1920....and that about sums it up.

    Now, having said all that out loud....if YOU are a woman, and if hearing all that male-chauvinistic pig attitude is getting YOUR feminine ire up....then rise up and take heart ladies! Make note that this year’s national “Go Topless Day” is to be held on Sunday, August 24th!!! You can check it out at www.GoTopless.org.

    Show those predictably pig-faced chauvinistic men how independent YOU are by refusing to be manipulated any longer! Show us how you demand YOUR right to be comfortably topless in public while you mow our yards, clean our houses and serve our meals! Hell, you can even go to your local county fairs topless! Go shopping and spend some of our money topless! Go for a bike ride bare-chested (and these days you can either be on the front OR the back!) Yes, Bummer officially pronounces you free to do it, so show ‘em (I mean IT) by brazenly broadcasting your liberation to all.

    If ya get busted, just tell the arresting officer that, “Bummer said it was okay.” He’ll probably let ya go because he’s also a MAN, and that’s spelled M-A-N!! Unless it’s a woman, then she might decide to take off HER shirt to help celebrate the day too! She can wear her badge on her hat.

    Now, y’all put down this magazine and get yer butts out there to soak up what is left of SUMMER!!!

                       Bummer


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