I was sittin’ here thinkin’ about what to write for this month when it suddenly occured to me that I never told y’all ‘bout my experience with the Easter Bunny, and what better time than the month of Easter?

It all started with a suggestion from someone on the regional board to promote goodwill for ABATE by visiting all the hospitals in the area and bringing candy to all the little kids for Easter. A good friend named Annie who had long, straight black hair that hung way down below her butt said she’d dress up like the Easter Bunny and I’d haul her around on my bike....They didn’t have to ask twice!...What a babe!

Early in the morning a few days before Easter I headed for Annie’s house to pick her up, and when I arrived she came out before I could shut down the scoot. She looked great! We {ABATE} picked up the tab to rent a professional costume and it fit her like a T, with a full head mask, long floppy ears and a full length costume with a furry little ball on her fantastic.... uh,... well,...on her bottom! She happily danced around laughing and playing as I loaded all the goodies into my bags.

Everyone we passed on the way to the first hospital pointed at us and waved and laughed. When we stopped for a red light, a little kid that was walkin’ down the sidewalk with his mother ran up to us and jumped up and down as Annie climbed off and gave him a big old hug and some candy. His mom just about split her face open, she was smilin’ so much!

It was a beautiful day and when we wheeled into the hospital parking lot I remember thinkin’, ’This is great! How can anything possibly go wrong on a day like this and doin’ something so charitable?’ {famous last words!}

After checking in at the desk, {they were expecting us}, we got on the elevator to take us up to the kid’s ward. When the doors opened the first thing we see is a guy holding a magazine standing there looking at us with total fear on his face.

Suddenly he throws the magazine into the air, freaks out and starts running down the hall screaming, “AAHHHHHH! I KNEW IT!! I KNEW IT!! AAHHHH!!!”

I never did find out what the hell he knew, but when we walked over to the reception desk the nurse was really pissed!

“Are you SUPPOSED to be here!?! This is the psych

“No.....I’m ok....Lesh go.”

And off we went....Bummer and his drunken Easter Bunny. No way was I takin’ her to a hospital like this. I had to tell her twice to hold on or I was gonna bungee her ass to the sissy bar!

Halfway to her house we get stopped by Deputy Dave, an old friend of mine.

“Bummer! What the HELL are you doin’?”

I told him what was goin’ on and was informed that in Ohio it’s against the law to appear on the streets with your face concealed....Like somebody’s gonna rob a bank dressed like the Easter Bunny! And besides, I see full faced tinted helmets all the time! That’s when Annie starts sounding off, “You punk!! I’ve been puked on, yelled at, forced to flee for my life pursued by nutcases and now my damned zipper is stuck, I can’t even breathe and I gotta pee!!! Why dontcha go chase some bad guys and LEAVE US THE HELL ALONE!!”

At this point she falls off the bike and passes out in the gutter! I just look down at her, look over at Dave, smile and ask how his mom’s doin’.

Now, Dave {who’s let me go more times than he’s busted me} suggests we load Annie into his cruiser and he takes her home as I lead the way. Once there we unload her, take her inside and in his presence I cut the zipper, take off her mask and begin to take off her suit when we discover she’s naked underneath....So , we just stop right there and we leave....Talk about frustration!!

The next day there’s a photo on the front page of the local paper showing me and Annie when we first started out {thank God!} and some good press was generated for ABATE which was what it was supposed to be all about in the first place.

I don’t see Annie much anymore ‘cause she moved away, but everytime I do I laugh so hard my stomach hurts.

You all have a happy Easter and a safe spring....Don’t forget how unsafe those roads are this time of year! Lotsa leftover winter salt and crap on those corners!....And the cage drivers always forget to watch out for motorcycles, so watch out for THEM...Be Careful!!!

ward and you’re upsetting the patients!!”

“We’re lookin’ for the children’s ward!”

“Well you’re on the wrong floor! You want the 5th floor!!”

By this time wackos were comin’ out of all the rooms and screaming their poor demented hearts out! We ran back to the elevator and prayed that the doors closed before someone beat us to death with a bedpan!

We finally reached the correct floor and I got off first just to make sure. I walked up to the desk and a little kid was standing there in his jammies.

“You look just like Santa Claus!”

“That’s ‘cause I AM Santa Claus!”

“Yeah, right! And I’m the Easter Bunny!”

“No, THAT’S the Easter Bunny.” And as I pointed to Annie the poor kid lost it! He started convulsing and threw up all over Annie from five feet away! Never seen somebody puke with such power before! And such volume from a little kid!! That little dude was sure to grow up to be a biker!

Now, this nurse WAS expecting us and helped Annie clean up before she took us into the ward and everything got back on track.

When we got back on the elevator Annie says,’Bum, this costume is hot! And now it stinks! Let’s go get a drink and cool off before we hit the next hospital, ok?” So we headed to The Keg for a cold one.

Soon as we got inside an old drunk fell off his stool, got up and wobbled out the front door babbling something about giant pink bunnies.

After we sit down I hear, “Bum, I can’t unstick this zipper and the head won’t come off ‘cause it’s tucked way down inside!” I messed with it a bit and got it down just enough so she could drink her drink then we started to leave.

“I shouldn’t have done that!”

“What Annie?”

“Have that double Jack on the rocks....I forgot I’m on meds and I’m really startin’ to feel it!”

“Maybe I should take ya home.”

“No, let’s just go to the hoshpital.”

“Hoshpital? Annie I think we should go home!”